Adventures in Gaming

We play the games so that you can laugh at us.

Rock Naked - a Tale of Rust

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Part II

Operation Home Improvement

By: Bryan

A * denotes a name I can’t remember! I can probably look back through people I’ve played with on steam to find the actual name

… The next day Jeb and I log in and descend from our hideout, running due east with the intention of hitting Resouce Valley and the nearest Radtown to collect some more gubbins. At the very next outcrop of rocks we find five small shelters with metal doors on. After all the effort to get here it took less than a day for other survivors to encroach on our base.

We watch for a while and there is no activity, so we decide to skirt the northern side of the hill to hopefully avoid running into anyone and continue on our way to Resource Valley. We get there and again checkout the buildings we looted yesterday to see if there is anything new worth robbing. The doors I made for the cube house are still in place, nobody has been back here. We run back to the last house we robbed. There are a few more crates lying around outside near our climbing shelter. I jump up and check the inside of the still roofless house. The ramp I built to help us escape was gone, so someone had been here. But there are no bodies or sleeping bags, so either it wasn’t the home owners or they’ve learned a lesson and chosen to hide their spawns and bodies somewhere else.

We run a little further south to collect the rest of the wood and rock piles lying around. By this point I’m pretty full of gubbins. I decide to head back and drop off what I’ve collected, while Jeb continues on by himself to Radtown. I run back north along Resource Valley, cutting east just past the last outcrop of rocks, almost immediately on rounding the corner I get hit by gunfire. I start strafing and try to turn to see where it’s coming from, but it’s too late and I sit staring at the death screen. “You were killed by Orixin*”. I spawn naked again back at my sleeping bag. I’m slightly annoyed at having lost all the good gear I’d purloined the previous day, but hey ho, easy come, easy go.

I start making some basic clothes from the cloth we collected, and watching the chat I see Orixin speaking with Deadlygamer… the chap who murdered Calum last night. By this time Jeb has been to Radtown and is making his way home, on high alert given my recent death. As he gets close to our base he notices activity at the metal doored shelters. He sneaks closer to see and, just our luck, our new neighbours are Deadlygamer and Orixin. Given there are five shelters it is safe to assume they have friends too. We spend the rest of the evening making runs back and forth raiding Radtown and watching our asses.

The next evening we log in to find a rather large house to the north of the five shelters, and more importantly directly in the path we’d been taking to get back to Resouce Valley. So now we had to start descending the eastern face of our hill, away from where we could be seen, and run even further north before heading west to “civilisation”. The idea being, one, they wouldn’t see us, and two, if they did see us we weren’t running straight home and therefore the would guess where we were hiding out.

After a few runs to Resource Valley I’m feeling mischievous. I run up to the house, and hear doors opening and closing, somebody is home. They hear my footsteps and I hear the increased activity as they make for the door to get me, I run and stand right at the door, as soon as one of them opens it I rush inside sprinting blindly into any room I can reach. Deadlygamer starts shooting at my with a pistol while I comically strafe left and right. I get hit once in five shots and he starts screaming about me being a hacker. I laugh. His friends finally get their shit together and all of them open fire at once. I take the Murder Express back to the top of the hill.

The next day at work, I’m relaying my adventures to Chris, we decide it would be hilarious to build an extra doorway in front of Deadlygamer’s door, trapping him and his friends inside their house. (In Rust a door can only be opened by the person who built it).

We log in as soon as we get home from work. I grab all the wood from our chest. I start building the walls, foundation , pillars, ceiling and doorway. Chris grabs the metal fragments and starts making a door. They’ll need C4 to get out of their house now. As soon as the crafting is complete we run down the hill and circle in on the house, keeping a lookout for activity.

Nobody is around, so we run up to the door and I stick down the foundation in front of it. Next the pillars, then the walls, the ceiling, and finally the doors frame I jump out and Chris moves in to install the door… I hear footsteps… the door is in place and we both start laughing, I turn round and immediately get shotgunned in the face, one of them just arrived home and is not a happy camper. My death is immediately followed by Chris spawning naked beside me.

We laugh.

Then the fun starts.

The chap at the house has informed Deadlygamer of our mischief, and immediately chat lights up with incandescent rage.

“Ennia.. Whhhy?” Before I can reply, he continues “how did you find our house? There is no way you found our house! Hacker! You are hacking!”

I ask him “Do you like our home improvement service?”

A torrent of abuse follows, and follows, …and follows.

Chris and I run from our spawn points back down to the house! almost immediately in getting there we both get shotgunned again. We repeat the process a few times.

“Hackers! How can you keep getting here so fast”, the thought we have sleeping bags near by doesn’t enter his head.

I joke some more about building renovations to more abuse, before adding “All joking aside though, I am going to have to invoice you for the work”

At this point Chris needs to log. So we both quit out and I go make dinner. I log back in half an hour later to find Deadlygamer still hammering chat with his rage. Making threats against my life and my family. I laugh, text Chris and log out again.

A couple of hours pass and I log back in, along with Jeb. Jeb types something about our handy work in chat and immediately Deadlygamer starts ranting again. This time calling for a server admin to ban me for hacking and/or meta-gaming. Like rubbing a genie’s lamp, and admin appears. He says “I could ban him if I want” flexing his nerdy ego. But falls silent after that, and since I’m still logged in a assume no ban is coming.

Jeb and I continue annoying them by running around their house, being chased, dropping spike walls in their paths before ultimately succumbing to shotgun fire, respawning and repeating the process.

Deadlygamer informs me he will “eat my sons”. I don’t have any sons. I enquire what condiment he intends to use as “my kids don’t like mustard”. He replies that he “will fart on them”. I ask him for clarification if he intends to season my sons with farts before eating them. “I doooooon’t care!!!!”

I get a few more threats that I will be killed, and that he will cut off my mothers hand before shoving it up his own ass. Clearly someone has missed his nap time today.

Jeb and I run to the house a few more times to be killed. On the last run there is nobody around. Either they’re logged or got bored and run off.

At that point a server admin broadcasts a message saying the server will be wiped and reset, the effect is like our door shenanigans times a billion. Nerds who don’t understand the nature of a game in alpha vent their impotent fury and cry delicious tears in the chat window.

With our source of lolz exhausted and no point in continuing to gather resources Jeb and I call it a night.

Inaugural Video HYPE!

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Here it is! No, wait, here. Our Inaugural video!

It’s Hedgewars, and not just cause we were too cheap to buy Worms (cough). Don’t worry, those Let’s Plays are coming; along with many more.

The start of all good adventures is super rocky, right?….RIGHT??..

Rock Naked - a Tale of Rust

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Part I

Operation Burglararise

By: Bryan

With our usual server having crashed earlier in the day and not come back online we were forced to join a new server to continue our adventures. As always, logging into a new Rust server means two things, firstly opening the console to disable the nudity filter because weewees make us laugh, and secondly, the first 40 minutes is spent attempting to arrange our, directionally …challenged…. crew to the same spot on the map.

Find each other we do, more or less, and we begin our plan of gathering some basic resources, before hot-footing it into ‘Resource Valley’ and heading far to the east to set some hopefully unmolestable spawn points and storage for our gubbins. Jeb and Rory find each other first, but Rory dies and spawns somewhere down by The Hanger in the south, and has the long walk of shame back to the meeting point. I arrive next and, since the sun is getting low in the sky, rather than waste any more time, Jeb and I take off to find this new home of ours.

We climb into Resource Valley and find it already under development. Namely, with a huge cuboid house consisting of a central building surrounded by tall pillars. We can see two more large structures a little further south and more beyond that at the bottom of the valley. With nothing more than stone hatchets Jeb and I approach the cube house. Nobody is around and it has no doors, someone has already been here. But we decide to make this our home for the night. There is a furnace and campfire and Jeb sets to work cooking and smelting the resources we have already found. I craft some wooden doors and stick them up. We should be safe for the night. Rory eventually reaches Resource Valley and we guide him through the dark to our hideout.

While our newly claimed cube looked sufficiently designed on the outside, inside was a shambles. Fences and boxes littered the floor, making it quite difficult to move around, and there seemed to be no way to get up to the second floor. So while we wait out the night we faff about jumping from box to box, parkour style. Jeb climbs the highest, eventually making it on top of a fence and realises he can make the jump from there to second floor. One successful jump later, an exclamation of “Jackpot!” makes it’s way through our Mumble server and pricks up our ears. Once I haved climbed up after him, I realised that he has indeed found “the jackpot”.

The second level is full of crates, the floor has about 15 sleeping bags, and there are ramps running up to a further floor. Jeb is already in the crates grabbing what he can… there are mp5s with lasers and holo sights, shotguns, loads of ammo, rad suits, food …everything a rock-equipped naked man could want. I decide it’s probably wise to ensure we don’t get any surprise visitors, and set about destroying the sleeping bags. Littered among them I find loot bags with various useful bits and bobs. Once the bags are destroyed, I turn my attention to the boxes; rad suiting up and taking my share of weapons and ammo as well as supplies of metal and wood which will help us build when we reach our agreed-upon camping spot.

“Guys! I want stuff too!” I look round and Rory is still trying to make the jump to the second floor. It almost looks like he’s banging his head on something.. but there is nothing blocking the way. Jeb has also stopped what he was doing to watch, and we both laugh at him on Mumble while he asks us not to watch him. It’s been 5 minutes since we got up here. I watch Rory make about four more attempts while Jeb tries to coach him up before he finally makes the jump and begins his looting. I go up the ramp to the next floor, where there are more crates, but, alas, they are empty. A couple of furnaces strewn around the ransacked abode provide some more metal fragments.

A screech of rage breaks up the joviallity, followed by ranting punctuated with a torrent of curse words. Have the house owners have returned? Nope. Calum, the last of our group, is still on the wrong side of the map and being chased by a wolf. Wolfy makes short work of him and once again he stands naked in the dark with nothing but a rock and his ever-present rage. I won’t lie, I sort of zoned-out, but I have to assume that the ranting continued. Eventually we calm down the most “explosive” member of the group, get him oriented by the moon, and once more he sets off to find us.

With the moon almost set, the beautiful red light of the coming morning, like dawn on Mars, provides us with enough light to once again see where we are going. We make a quick check outside for other players and, finding none, we head south to see what we can pilfer from the next set of houses. The first houses we reach are mirror images of each other, tall and monolithic, but as they are furnished with metal doors, we have no means of ingress. Not to be dissuaded, we continue south to the next house, gathering what resources we find on the way.

The next house is a constructed as a large, single level, surrounded by spike fences except for the metal doors at the front and back. We scout round the house looking through the cracks and can see two sleeping beauty’s tucked into the corner. The two of them have done well to build such a fortified house, but either through laziness, lack of resources, or a complete absence of situational awarenress, didn’t bother with such generally handy things as a roof. Jeb has also noticed this oversight, and is already crafting a shelter to climb on and gain access. He puts it down at the front door, followed by a box so he can make the jump to the roof of the shelter. Once he’s up there he makes the jump into the house, or so he thought. Things haven’t gone exactly to plan, and that is when the panic sets in. These crafty homeowners have built themselves a porch, and Jeb is now trapped between two metal doors. Rory and I laugh at his miscalculation (Calum is still nowhere to be found), while I make the jump onto the door frame, then cautiously make my way on top of the walls and into the main part of the house.

I drop into the main living area and set to work dispatching the sleepers and their sleeping bags. This time we find loads of metal, wood, gunpowder, anti-rad medication.. they’ve been busy. By this time Rory has joined me and is looting what he can, unfortunately, our pockets were rather filled by our previous home invasion. We’re so full we need to decide on what to keep and what to throw away to make space. I use the wood kindly provided by the sleepers to craft the ramp that will be our means of egress while Jeb lets out a sigh of relief at having made some boxes and managing to get himself free of his prison.

With the three of us fully loaded, we make a run for the east, looking for a spot to put down roots.

The sun is setting again by the time we reach a likely new home. We climb high onto the rocks, believing that nobody will think to look here. A solid idea, but the terrain has other plans; the ground is too uneven to build a structure. So we throw our sleeping bags in little crevasses that will be unseen by all but the most ardent explorers. It’s too late to light a fire now, the light would almost certainly give away our position. All cooking must now be done during the day. So we wait out the night listening to the moans and rants of Calum, who is cooking chicken, beside a rock, somewhere far to the west.

Once his chicken is cooked, Calum decides to just make a run for it in the dark. He is chased by wolves, and zombies, and a bear.. but manages to elude them all to arrive at the rad town with the road. Bugger knows what it is actually called, but we have designated it our meeting spot, as it is distinguishable, and can “easily” (wolves, and bears, and zombies (oh my!) not withstanding), be found by following the road. From here, all that’s left is a hop, skip, and a jump over the hill to Resource Valley and he’s home free. He will finally be united with his brethren. The sun is rising, and Jeb along with Rory head out to collect him and bring him back to our super secret hide out. They make it about half way to Resource Valley when Calum once again interrupts the chat in Mumble… “No Deadlygamer! No! FUUUUCK YOU DEADLYGAMER!!!!”.

“Ok”, we think. “Now this gets interesting”.

Alone and naked with a rock, Calum spawns somewhere far to the west.